Fighting for Them, and not Against Them
I sat in the bathroom with one of my kids, that is usually where we do our discipline and instruction. I had lost it and yelled at him. I had said things I didn’t mean. Doors had been slammed. More than one person was crying. The last few months have been hard. The boys and I have fought a lot. It seems like everything I ask is met with resistance. Managing all five of them has been difficult. Creed has been demanding. Thaddeus, the three year old has his own way to do everything. No one is following the routines and procedures. It's been tough. We are not focused, we waste time, our attitudes are wrong, and work ethic is pathetic. We start the day with Bible and prayer. But things are not going well. I am at a loss. I've been praying, searching for answers.
Our children have a choice. The fool hates knowledge…
Tim came home one day and was listening to a podcast by Lamplighter Ministries on Proverbs. Now, Proverbs is my favorite book. He is telling me about what he learned, that the fool hates knowledge. I just sat there pondering that thought, “the fool hates knowledge.” Our children have a choice, they have freedom. Even in their youth I realized I must recognize their freedom to choose right and wrong, truth or lie. If I allow them to make choices within the safety of my authority they will have a cushion of safety to fall on. The consequences won’t be so detrimental. If I choose everything for them and force them into ‘my’ ways they don’t get the freedom to learn and choose for themselves. Forcing ‘my’ way on them never works anyways!
After asking for forgiveness and making it right with them, I started that night to pray differently, “God, work in my boys’ hearts so that they would see between wisdom and foolishness. Help them to desire to be wise. Help them to see that I am on their side and out for their good. Help me to be Your example.” It was a prayer that I would lead, they would see, and that they would choose. I put it on them and in God's hands.
My kids’ choice, God’s hands…
The next morning we did our normal Bible study and during prayer time my oldest prayed that school would be easy and short so he could do what he wanted. I decided to read to them Proverbs. And my speech was the following, “I can't change your heart, only the Holy Spirit can. I can't make you want to learn, only you can. But God's Word says those who don't accept instruction and those who don't seek for knowledge are fools. There are consequences for foolishness. And my desire for you is that you don't live through those consequences. I pray you will desire to be wise by listening and learning.” I left it at that and went on with our day.
During these difficult times I go back to my foundation. The foundation is what carries you through the storm and keeps you able to stand. My foundation is my ultimate purpose. I will put up with the bad days, the seasons of fighting, the resistance to work, the resistance to listen, the foolishness of their young souls because I am fighting for them not against them.
Parenting is a battle for the souls of my children. In any battle we have to know what the definition of victory would be, what the goal is. In any battle there also has to be a plan and strategy.
When my oldest was two and I had just had Noah, I sat down and thought through what my purpose was as a mom, “What was I to be doing with these little souls? When they leave me what will they say I did.” See, I didn't want them to say that I was lazy and taught them nothing. But neither did I want them to say that I pushed all my beliefs on them. I wasn’t to control them, but to lead. There is a big difference! I took time to come up with a battle plan based on Scripture. My plan was to expose them to know God, and hopefully they would choose to love Him. I would teach them truth, and hopefully they would decide to believe it. I would show them God’s way by example (even in my failure and sin) and hopefully they would imitate it. I would train them to think so that the choice to follow was theirs. With this strategy hopefully they would have what they need to STAND. When the day comes for them to leave me and my home I want them to stand on their own belief of God, not mine. My philosophy as a mother came to be…
EXPOSE to God
TEACH- the way of Truth
SHOW by EXAMPLE- live in relationship with them showing them all, even failure and sin
TRAIN to THINK- wrestle, talk, question through God & Truth
STAND- God and Truth is theirs by their own thinking and choice.
As a mom have two powerful things on my side, if my heart is right.
I have God’s word and the Holy Spirit both of which transform hearts.
God’s word is my main tool. In turn, I can be the tool of the Holy Spirit when I am willing and surrendered. But I stifle Him when I sin by controlling and bursting out in anger.I am useless to Him when I don’t submit to God’s Word myself. I must follow the above process also, expose myself to God, be taught His Truths, follow godly examples, train myself to think and question, and build a foundation to stand on.
Psalm 127 has been my mom verse, “As arrows in the hand of the warrior so are the children of one's youth.” I am the shooter. I hold the bow. I point the in the right direction, God and Truth. While I am still holding on, I help them, be an example, coach them through thinking as they decide and choose for themselves. I do push and carry the arrow to where I want it to go. Picture, that, a mom running with an arrow forcing it into the target! That’s not how it works. When I let go and shoot the arrow, I pray it goes in the right direction after the years I have had holding it and pointing it. My end goal is always that they “STAND” .
Inspire, not Require
The enemy has a plan, but with God so do I. Through my years of infertility, I prayed for a child and promised God that if He ever gave me one I would do all I could to give that child's soul back to Him. That's why I don't give up and I won't give up. I won't force my kids into belief when I have the power over them. I want them to choose it themselves. I want to inspire them into belief, not require it out of them. My game plan is to expose them to God, teach them His truth and ways, show them by example, and train them to think, so that the decision is theirs while they are still under my influence. When they are no longer under me they can stand not on what I believe, but on what they’ve learned and decided for themselves. My prayer is that they will stand on the foundation we have built together.
It is amazing how refocusing on my purpose and letting God work in my children through His truth has helped the atmosphere in our home. I forget sometimes why I am doing this parenting thing. They are not mine, they are His. My job is to return them to Him. They deserve a battle plan. God deserves the worship of a mother fighting for the souls of her kids. After all they are gifts from Him.
Don't give up mom! Remember you are fighting for them not against them! Mom, you are a warrior!
What are your goals? What is your purpose in homeschooling and parenting? What are your strategies? Please share your thoughts.
May you have abundant days for His glory and your good!
Kristin L Overmanl
