I Signed up for This
We love going to local places, with good food and a unique atmosphere. For us going out to eat is about the story of the place, the experience, and the quality food. Our four older boys had spent the night at my parents so that we could celebrate our 16 year anniversary this weekend. Saturday morning Tim decided that we should go get coffee and pastries. I love, love pastries! It is my sweet weakness. Tim found this unique bakery close to Albuquerque’s Old Town, Golden Crown Panaderia. The food was amazing! The biscochitos literally melt in your mouth. They were the best I have ever tasted! They have empanadas of every flavor and fresh baked bread. They roast their own coffee beans. The only downside is that they don’t have decaf! The staff was so friendly and recommended some of their favorites. The outside patio is quaint and cute. The bakery sits right on Mountain Road but you wouldn’t notice much sitting outside because of the several fountains surrounding the tables and the greenery that blocks most of the view.
Having someone to enjoy the good moments in life is one of the blessings of marriage. Tim and I have traveled, laughed, planned, dreamed, and built a family together. We have shared some of the best moments in life together. But we have also cried, plead, stressed, sinned, failed, lost and been lost, confused, and hurt together. We have shared the worst moments together.
If you know me you know that I have struggled with my health most of my adult life. I have to be very careful with my diet, stress, sleeplessness, and side effects of medicine. Too much of the wrong thing and my body crashes. When I was pregnant with Thaddeus, our fourth son, I was very sick. I had gone through a miscarriage before and had some complications from it. For a year and a half I struggled with my health. I had leaky-gut. If you don’t know what that is, it is when your intestines cannot completely break down your food and absorb the nutrients. The food goes right through you. It became a chain effect that affected other organs such as my liver, gallbladder, and adrenals. I constantly got sick because my immune system was so weak. I regularly slept only four to five hours a night because of the pain. At times I could barely function and get off the couch. My family, friends, and church helped watch my kids, grocery shop, make meals, and clean my house. At the worst part I missed a whole semester of my boys’ gymnastics and church. I felt like a homebound 34 year old. l was so lonely and discouraged.
During this time Tim did so much. He picked up all the slack of what I couldn’t do at home. He took the kids to church and their activities, ran errands, cleaned, and did the house work. He would stay awake with me at night trying to ease my pain. He slept as little as I did and still went to work. He spent time researching my symptoms, trying to find a solution. I didn’t feel like his partner but his burden.
It was in the middle of one of those nights, in one of my deepest moments I asked him, “Why don’t you leave?, You would be totally justified to walk out and leave. This is not how it is supposed to be, you taking care of me in my thirties.” I will never forget the words he said, “I am not leaving because this is exactly what I signed up for. I signed up for this part too”.
I could not even speak. I could not say anything. Tears ran down my face. This man was choosing me and choosing me, no matter what the circumstance. In that darkest moment I felt the overwhelming and unconditional love of God through my husband. But, how? How was his perspective so clear? How was his commitment unwavering? It made me think. Tim knew what he was signing up for. He was aware that he was signing up for the sickness, the poor, the worse, and not just the better, richer, and health part. He knew the purpose of marriage. He knew the intent of its Designer.
So what is the purpose? What did the Designer intend marriage to be?
If we want to look at the foundation and purpose for many of God’s designs we must look at Genesis, the beginning. The first mention of the idea of marriage is in Genesis 2:18, “Then the Lord said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” Animals were not a suitable enough companion for man, so God created woman. Loneliness was not good so God’s solution was to make a companion. A suitable one. One that would help.
MARRIAGE IS INTIMATE COMPANIONSHIP
God wanted us to have someone. Marriage is the blessing of having someone to do life with. Husband and wife are to enjoy the high mountain peaks, the laughter, the vacations, the buying the house, the date nights, the BETTER, the RICHER, the HEALTH. But, Marriage is also the blessing of companionship and intimacy in the valley, the WORSE, POOR, or SICKNESS. God intended that we not go through the valley alone. He not only gives us Himself but people to go through it with us. One of my favorite verses about relationship and companionship is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they will keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.” When I take apart these verses I can see that companionship is good, “two are better than one” and then he lists examples of why it is good. But, notice that there are things the companions have to do for one another. Look at the verbs. A companion has a return for their labor, lifts another up, keeps another warm, and resists attackers. Companionship is work.
COMPANIONSHIP IS WORK
Have a return for their labor- They work together.
Lift -There will be times when in a relationship we will have to pull up our spouse when they fall whether it be physically, emotionally, morally, or spiritually.
Keep warm- this implies caring for our companion’s needs.
Resist- The idea of standing against something. Together husband and wife stand together or for each other. They protect and defend one another against enemies whether they are physical or spiritual. Having someone to do life with should bring us happiness. I know especially in the church it is said that marriage is not for our happiness but God’s plan says it is.
COMPANIONSHIP IS FOR OUR HAPPINESS
Yes, Biblically, marriage is partly for our happiness. One of the laws in Israel was that a newly married man was to be exempt from war and army service for the first year of his marriage Deuteronomy 24:5 “When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army, nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.” In Proverbs and Ecclesiastes the phrase enjoy the wife of your youth is mentioned several times. Yes, marriage is for our happiness because God is good and all that He created, even the institutions, concepts, and ideas are good!
Tim knew what he was signing up for. He was aware that he was signing up for the sickness, the poor, the worse, and not just the better, richer, and health part. He knew marriage was a companionship, two people doing life together through the pretty and also the ugly. He didn’t expect just the pretty. So when the hard times came it wasn’t a surprise to him. He knew that marriage would be work because God said relationships are work. He wasn’t surprised to give things up for me or our kids whether it was his time, his sleep, his comfort, or his money. And he knew God’s original intent in marriage was for happiness. He knew that relationships are worth the work because they bring blessing. They bring companionship, intimacy, and lasting worth.
I can tell you that my husband has taught me a lot. Knowing God’s purpose for something gives you correct perspective and correct thinking. When I know the why behind something I can behave better. I don’t expect things to always be easy. These last few months since having Creed I have dealt with some of my health problems again. This time my attitude is different. I rejoice that I have someone with me. I don’t have the guilt that I am burdening my husband. I am thankful that he will labor, care, help me up, and stand when I can’t. I am thankful God gave me him so that I am not alone.
“ I take you, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
May you live Abundant Days for His glory and your good!
Kristin Overman
